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Mother-In-Law Jokes
A MAN-takes his dog to the vet and asks him to cut its tail off. The vet can find nothing wrong with the dog's tail so asks the
man why. He replies: `My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want anything in the house to make her think she's welcome.'
THE definition of mixed emotions is seeing your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new car.
A BIG-GAME hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, deep in the jungle, his wife awoke to find he
mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted they both go to look for her. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whisky and set out on a search. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: his mother-in-law was
backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a male lion was facing her. His wife said: `What are we going to do? nothing,' replied her husband. `The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.'
This bloke walks into a pub and asks the barman for a whisky. As the barman was filling it he shouts over “make it a double” When
the barman fills the glass the bloke says “put another one in it” After he serves the bloke the barman in a conversationally sort
of way says “You got a problem?” “Mother in law trouble” replies the punter. That’s nothing to worry about, I’ve got mother in law
problems, my pals got mother in law problems, in fact every body in this bar has probably got mother in law annoyances. Yeh “but
I’ve got mine pregnant.”
After a bad car accident this bloke has serious facial injuries. The plastic surgeon assures the bloke that by slicing a section of
his buttocks and grafting it into the side of his face it’ll be hardly noticeable. It works out a treat. At the Bloke’s final check up he
is given the bill for £10,000. He writes a cheque out and gives it to the surgeon. After looking at the piece of paper the surgeon says “this cheque’s for £12,000” “The extra is to express my gratitude” replies the bloke “I get immeasurable pleasure every time my mother in gives me a peck on the cheek”
Their was six men beating up this bloke’s mother-in-law. His shocked wife asked him, Aren't you going to help?' "No,' said the bloke. Six should be enough'."
A RAG and bone man came to my mother-in-law's house and asked if she could spare him any old beer bottles. She replied: `Do I look as if I drink beer?' He replied: `Sorry love, I suppose not. Any old vinegar bottles then?'
It's not as if my mother-in-law is ugly,' observed Les Dawson, but the Scottish Tourist Board hires her every summer to swim up and down Loch Ness'.
Q: How do you stop your mother-in-law from drowning?
A: Take your foot off her head.