When the leaders of the U.K. and the U.S.A. were asked about their contingency plans should avian flu break out they answered as follows.

 

Jack McConnell 

First of all we’ll cancel the Eagles Gig at Hampden. Then we’ll put an exclusion zone around the isle of “Eigg”. All “Hen” nights In the country will be banned.   The band Capercaillie will not be allowed to play again. Dove soap, kestrel lager, penguin buscuits  and grouse whisky to be removed from all shop shelves. The Eagle bar in Motherwell and the Swan Inn in Halfway to be closed immediately.

 

Tony Blair

We’ll search out and exterminate the Yardbirds. That’s a pity because They were pretty good singers. Certainly better than Tony’s boy band. What were they called? “Ugly…???………Duckling………..no ..Rumours” And next we’ll bar all “Wrens” from the armed forces. Easter weekend will be cancelled due to the ban on the movement of eggs.  

 

George W Bush.

 The plans to invade Iran will scraped. Instead we’ll invade the Canary Isles And if that doesn’t stop it we’ll carry on and do the same in Turkey. So anybody staying in Rhode Island should be pretty worried.

 

On a risqué view of things.  

Should bird flu attack humans the Caucasian population don’t have anything to worry about. And why’s that? one might ask. Well, they don’t have Black Cocks.             

 

A camel, a lion and a chicken meet.
The camel says: "If I bellow the entire desert shivers with fear."
The Lion says: "When I roar the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Then the Chicken says:  

"Big deal. I only have to cough, and the entire planet shits itself."

 

A new strain of the bird disease has just been discovered. One catches it from drinking bottled water. It's called Evian flu.