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Nun Jokes
A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she needs someone to talk to. She lives in a convent and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees but the nun explains she can't have sex with a married man because it would be a sin. The bus driver says no problem, he's not married. The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she has to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again and being the only two people on the bus they go in the back and take care of business. When they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver said, "Sister, I have a confession to make, I'm married and have three kid's." The nun replied, "That's O.K. I have a confession too. My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party."
Q :- “What do you call nun who walks in her sleep?”
A :- “A roaming catholic”
Q:- “What do you call a large shop with 100 nuns in it”
A: “Virgin Mega-store.”
Q :- “What’s the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath ?”
A :- “One’s got hope in her soul and the other has soap in her h??? ”
Question. How do you get a nun pregnant?
Answer. Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q :- “What happens when a nun gets pregnant ?”
A :- “They fire a canon ”
Two nuns are sitting in their little mini at the traffic lights when a drunk approaches them. “What will I do?” says one nun to the other. “Show him your cross” was the reply So he other nun rolls down the window and shouts out “F*** off you drunken bastard”
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?' When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back sleep. The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted............
Q :- “What’s black and white and tells the Pope to f*** off ?”
A :- “A nun who's just won the lottery"
A Nun dies and finds herself outside the pearly gates. St. Peter says “I know you’ve had a truly unblemished life Sister, but I must ask you one question before you come in. What was the first thing Eve said to Adam? “Gosh, that’s a hard one.” she replied. “Well done.” said St. Peter as he opened the gates.
Q :- “What did the nun say to her brand new vibrator ?”
A :- “Stop shaking with fear my dear it's the first time for me as well"
Bashful goes into the convent and asks the mother superior and ask if there's any nuns here about this size (2'-6") "No" was the answer and the door was closed. Bashful went round all the convents in the area and was given the same "no" answer. He went back to the place where the seven dwarfs stay and the other six dwarfs were sitting at there tea. Bashful jumped up in the air, clicked his heals. clapped his hand above his head and shouted out "Dopey's sh****d a penguin"
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just wait until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, " it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the ceiling, father." "How much did you win?"
Mother Superior at the Convent of
St Agnes got all of the nuns together for a little meeting, for something had
come up. She said, "Sisters, we've
discovered a case of syphilis in the house!" Whereupon little sister Mary
Catherine clasped her hands together and fell to her knees and exclaimed,
"Oh, thank the Lord! We've all been getting so tired of Chardonnay!"