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Aberdonian Jokes
A bloke is walking along Union Street in Aberdeen with only one shoe on. Another fella taps him on the shoulder and asks “Have you lost a shoe?” “No” replies the Aberdonian “I’ve just found one”
This Aberdonian found a pair of crutches so he went home and broke his sons’ leg.
The little boy got up early on Christmas morning. When he opened his main present it was an empty box. He asked his Aberdonian father about it who replied “It’s an Action Man Deserter Kit”
Have you heard about the Aberdonian who found a pay packet with £600 in it. His pal said to “it’s your lucky day mate” “ I don’t know so much” said the miser “the tax man has taken £80 from me”
There’s another one about the Aberdonian who got double glazing fitted. It wasn’t to save on his heating bill. It was so his kids couldn’t hear the ice cream man.
The Aberdonian liked to watch the porn film backwards. It was so he could see the hooker give the bloke his money back.
An Aberdonian Taxi driver picked up this cute brunette. She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eye on the meter.
"This tooth will be difficult to remove," the dentist told his patient. "I think you should have an anaesthetic even though it will be a little more expensive." "OK," agreed the Aberdonian and began feeling in his pocket for his money. "You needn't pay me yet," said the dentist. "I know," replied the Aberdeen patient. "I'm just counting my money before you put me under."
Q: How do Aberdonians practice safe
sex?
A: They paint an “X”
on the back of the sheep that kick!
A Glaswegian a Dundonian and a Aberdonian are walking down a country road late one afternoon. They come across a sheep with it’s head stuck low in a fence and with its backside tilted upwards. The Glaswegian said “I wish that was Demi Moore. The Dundonian said “I wish that was Sharon Stone” and the Aberdonian said “I wish it was dark”.
Q: How do cure an Aberdonian of sea
sickness?
A: Lean him over the side
of the boat with a penny between his teeth.
Have you heard about the Aberdonian smash and grab expert. The reason he got caught was he went back for the brick.
Why does an Aberdonian housewife always heat the knives up? So nobody can take too much butter.
How do you recognise an Aberdonian? He's the one with the short arms and deep pockets.
Have you heard about the Christmas present that the Aberdonian gave his son. It was a packet of batteries with a note in it saying "Toys not included"
An Aberdonian a Glaswegian and a bloke from Edinburgh were away on a boys only holiday. After a few days they were feeling a bit horny so they decided to visit a brothel. However the price list was a little unusual it simply said "£10 an inch" After the event they met up in the pub. Firstly the Edinburgh chap said "Well it cost me £70" next the Glaswegian said "It cost me £80. Finally the Aberdonian said "They charged me £10." "How come ?" the other two said in unison. "I paid on the way out" was the reply.
Have you heard about the Aberdonian who wanted his wife to have larger breasts. He was about to pay for the breast enlargement operation until he discovered it was cheaper to have the size of his eyes reduced.
Q: How do you make an Aberdonian
omelet?
A: Well, first of all you
borrow six eggs.